i woke this morning electrically excited for a DEAR friend, her husband and their “already” children. One week from today, 7 days from today our friends will trust a world of others with the houseful of babies they already nurture and board a plane for a land far away to collect two tiny special needs children (both 5 years old) who have been waiting all these long years for their mamma and daddy. The miracle, the energy, the magic of the journey into adoption is so incredibly amazing.
Within seconds of the adrenaline rush of realizing the calendar had moved and the “days to travel” counter was now in the one week range, 7!!, my heart took a sharp turn and i began to feel the grief my friend will process this week.
Much ALL will change for this mamma, daddy and their houseful of littles the moment they board that plane. Why would you say yes to something that guarantees so much upheaval, adjustment and sacrifice? There will be big sacrifice and selflessness required for every member of their family.
Yesterday i shot Tim a desperate text, “call me if you have a moment and the energy for a rant”. Tim called on his lunch hour, i tried to be grown up and logical but the moment i heard his voice i spiraled into a crying baby + a tantruming two year old. Sparing you the unnecessary muck, our morning had begun WAY to early with an unexplainable amount of energy and creativity. Things were escalating by the moment, disappointment entered, “poor me” crossed my mind and i agreed with “that lie” one moment too long.
In the midst, my Blondie came home with a treat from Starbucks for me. She was caught in the crossfire, there was no energy or time to sit and chat wedding or hear about her morning at work. i was done, or wanted to be done, or go back to the woods or rant to My Man. i sent my SOS; pretty much the answer is always the same from Tim, life is only hard if you let it be, God is enough, be nice and do the right thing, be dependent on His Grace. As it always goes, Tim listens to the many offenses i “need” to vent but he hears my sin and directs me back to what i have to do to smooth the waters. Tim’s only specific guidance was, “make sure you do not say anything out of your hurt and sadness that will hurt Blessing’s heart.” i am sad to tell you, honestly, some things had already been said that i had to apologize to our sweet girl for.
A bit later Blessing was at Library Club; i claimed a quiet corner and used my time to read some truth.
…in stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors . . .” (2 Corinthians 6:5)— in all these things, display in your life a drawing on the grace of God, which will show evidence to yourself and to others that you are a miracle of His. Draw on His grace now, not later. The primary word in the spiritual vocabulary is now. Let circumstances take you where they will, but keep drawing on the grace of God in whatever condition you may find yourself. The entire study is found here: http://utmost.org/drawing-on-the-grace-of-god—-now/. It is worth your time.
Well look at that…just about the same stuff My Man pointed me back to. i wonder if i could possibly learn to run to His Grace with my rants and spare Tim the headache.
Here is the deal; Blessing and i had a full afternoon ahead of us when our train veered off the tracks. When Tim helped me redirect, i still felt incredible frustration. i did what i knew was right but did not feel any of it. i spoke gently (sheer will), i apologized (fighting a grudge), i let go of a bunch of junk (heart still aching), i made a deal with my girl, “if mamma chooses patience and gentleness for the rest of the day will you choose obedience and kindness?” She said yes, i had my doubts…she is an impulsive 10 year old, at this point i would be a bit surprised if i kept my end of the deal. Six hours later we were pulling back into the neighborhood, Blessing was silly singing, we were gut giggling together and i spontaneously said “ahhh, Blessing what a fun day we have had together.” As i heard the words come from my heart, i was taken aback; actually we had started with a really rough day, some ugly sin and lots of material for resentment and angst. Where had “Fun Day” snuck in, when had giggles and silly songs shown up? His Grace is enough for my most common everyday challenges. i know he redeems the big and bad stuff, but maybe more amazing is when we see Him redeem the everyday selfishness, disappointed expectations, harsh tones and lashing words.
As i feel the reality of all the challenges my dear adopting friend is facing i know the cost and pain very personally, yet it is so easy to switch back to ecstatic excitement because i know without a doubt that feeling my weakness more often, doubting my ability constantly, hearing my selfishness scream louder is the only path to knowing HIS Grace more clearly. When i am weak, HE is strong. When i am alone, HE is my all.
My sweet sweet obedient friend, charge ahead with full confidence and joy, you are stepping into a whole new beautiful “knowing” of your Lord’s Grace,of his provision, his comfort and strength. i promise you the challenges will be there, this is so good because we only need HIM and call on HIM when we can no longer manage on our own. That is hard, that is beautiful!
There will be plenty of days when you have to “just deal” with whatever it is that day…
Just be certain you are not “dealing” in your own strength and ability, you can not do this on your own.
Keep your eyes on your Lord,
Run into His Grace,
and know that Needing Him is the very best place you could be.
Please pray for our friends as they enter the Great Adventure our Lord has written for their family.