God will either give us what we ask or give us what we would have asked if we knew everything he knows. Timothy Keller
We lost our 3 year old puppy this week. When we had to let our last two dogs go on the same day a few years ago our Blessing was heart broken. She often has said “I could not ever lose our Clive, I could not let another dog die mama.”
When we realized Clive was very sick a week ago, Blessing prayed he would recover. We thought he would recover. Saturday, after 3 days of watching him suffer and a day at the vet for monitoring and IV fluids, Clive quietly took his last breath in our kitchen. Blessing was as heart broken as we feared she may be. Blessing feels and expresses loss in a painfully deep way. Good-bye on any level has caused deep reaction from the first days of Blessing’s life as a Fischer. As a tiny babe, she would frantically scream and reach in desperation as a delivery man would walk back to his truck after dropping a package at our front door and casually saying “hello”.
It has been a sad and empty week, but it has been an amazing week of watching our girl learn that you can love, you can loose, you can heal and love again.
“By Chance” a dear friend had dropped in Saturday afternoon, she was actually holding Clive when he died. Sami immediately thought of making a piece of art with Blessing’s hand prints and Clive’s paw print. This was after Clive had died. How precious is this keepsake for our girl.
We had another lifelong friend here Saturday helping Tim with some serious construction he has happening. After about three hours of holding and loving Clive, Blessing decided we should put him in his bed. Tim said it was time to bury him, it was beautiful to watch Tim and Kenny dig a hole under the lilac bushes while Blessing held her puppy. When they came back in the house she said “that feels better mama.”
We will plant some fall bulbs next to the cross Blessing and Tim are building. We will wait for beauty to spring forth after the quiet winter.
We asked for a healthy puppy last week, we are blessed with so much that we did not know we needed and were pretty certain we did not want.
For everything there is a season,
a time to be born and a time to die;
a time to mourn and a time to dance;
a time to weep and a time to laugh.
(Excuse the blurry picture, i was stalking and sneaking from a long distance.)
i love the orchestration of everyday details that teach us the deep and foundational truths we all need. i like to call this our everyday extraordinary.
We will get another puppy in time because we all have a lot of lessons we still need to learn. We will try another breed, Clive was a bit of a menace, not always the smartest or most obedient fuzzball. That’s on me, i wanted his breed because he was sooooo cute, Tim allowed my nonsense.
i read this to Blessing last night to get her permission before i published it.
She said ” yes mama, post it, it is the perfect story of our Clive” ” Plus tell them i could die if i let myself feel all the sadness but then you and daddy would be way too sad so i have to be brave and push on, but i do feel so sad every single minute”
Have i mentioned our girl has a gift towards dramatic interpretation.