The land of misfit toys….how I adored all those little mistakes who felt unloved.

A favorite Christmas movie, a story of finding a place to belong, even in the  truth that you were clearly one of the unwanted.  As I look back I realize I didn’t so much love the misfit toys but as my heart broke for them, I wanted to fix them. Continue reading

It is one thing to say it, quite another to have to live it

My Blessing and i

My Blessing and i

i do not know all much, but i do know the one who knows all and i do know HE loves and cares enough to meet us right where we are and be all that we need in that moment.

i guess it wouldn’t  be fair if i wrote words like those and then didn’t have to live it.

i posted those words Thursday morning, Thursday afternoon i made a quick stop at the local dance studio and was complimented on our parenting skills ad nauseam, approximately 2.34 hours later my parenting confidence was shattered and i have fluctuated between anger, broken hearted and weeping mess for the past 4 days.

Years ago i was doing a bible study that posed the question…

List an attribute of your Lord and Saviour you treasure.

My answer…”His Faithfulness to give us the hard, he is not a Father who coddles and spoils, he asks us to give up our comfort and understanding that he may give us his best, i love that about My Lord.”

Mostly i have hated these past 4 days. i have found it hard to love anything about what the Lord is doing in my heart.  It stinks to hurt and it hurts to see our need and our child’s need.

If i am becoming confident of anything in my parenting journey it is this…

i have about 500 wedding pictures for once i learn how to do this

i have about 500 wedding pictures for you once i learn how to do this

Our 5 children were given to Tim and i for the refining of Tim and i. Each of them could have been wonderfully cared for in a million other homes, but he choose ours. Our Blessing would have been spared much pain if her Saviour had swept her into HIS arms and took her to Heaven from that orphanage crib, but he knew what Tim and i needed and He loved us too much to give us easy. He Blessed us with a Blessing that we could never have imagined when he gave us this sweet one. He is faithfully moment by moment reminding us of our need, our brokenness and our inability. i am painfully aware that i can not fix my child’s pain and brokenness. I can not figure it all out, i would default to “take the next step” except i don’t have any idea where to place my foot.

Which all leaves me very afraid and needing.

I wake at 4 am feeling deep vulnerability, i lay my hand on our precious child’s back and can only say “We need you Jesus, we need you!”

And that is where HE meets me, that is when my heart is willing to hear His whispered promises.

And they sang a new song, saying,

“Worthy are you,

for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God

   from every tribe and language and people and nation,

10 and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,

   and they shall reign on the earth.” Revelations 5:9-10

My Faithful Lord has bought our redemption with His precious son’s blood. He alone can figure this out, He has it all covered, He is worthy of my trust.

The Fatherless find their rest at the sound of your great name, the sick are healed at the sound of your great name. Please take a moment and click over to YouTube and soak in this hope that is ours. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zpLPh6LibE

Here is a link to a great reading detailing the hope and power in the truth of this song.http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/a-worship-song-worthy-of-eternity

Our suffering is no surprise to our Loving Father…

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ . . . not frightened in anything by your opponents. For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake. Philippians 1:27–29

Paul told the Philippians that living worthy of the gospel of Christ meant fearlessness before enemies. Then he gave the logic of fearlessness.

The logic is this: God has given you two gifts, not just one — faith and suffering.

This challenge is a gift from our Loving Father, so is the Faith to live the challenge. You can read more here…God-Given Foes and Faith – devotional by John Piper   http://dsr.gd/12t0zVk

My heart still feels the physical ache of knowing how broken we are here in the Fish Pond. i still cry, a lot! But more importantly my heart Knows the ONE who knows it all. I know HIS son suffered that our girl might have healing and redemption. He is worthy of my trust, He is worthy of my obedience in taking the next step as i trust HE will direct where my foot lands. I will click these links, i will listen, i will read over and over, as many times as it take to renew this trembling heart and wondering mind of mine. i will model for my sweet Blessing today that He alone is worthy of our devotion and praise. I will rest in the only answer we need over here in our little pond.

His Great Name


Blessed times SIX

October 4, 2014 by Nama

We will have our 6th Grandbaby by Christmas 2014.

12 days ago our Facetime dial rang. We answered to find two of the cutest little cutes bouncing about the screen with _______ Balloons screaming…

“We are getting a baby!!!!”

Will this tiny one arriving sometime in December add to this little Duet

baby //Namafish.com

Or will these three add to their pack and pull way ahead of those cute little twins

baby //Namafish.comWe are not telling because surprises are so much more fun!!

Please check our kids official “There is a baby on the way !” announcement.

It is sweet, funny, honest, humble and they dance…..that alone should be all the reason you need to link over there and enjoy the 6 minute view with your morning coffee.


Blessed~In the Mayhem

August 1, 2014 by Nama

This week has been a little busy.  A little sad.  A little crazy. And a lot Blessed.


The quality of these pictures accurately represents the quality of everything i did this week….blurry and not quite right!     Blessing spent Monday at bible camp with two little girlfriends.  Myself, the Russell Trio and our Finley spent 4 hours in the truck traveling to pick the girls up in the afternoon. Six elementary kids, a toddler, a beautiful afternoon along the river, twist ice cream cones + the rule that you are only allowed to speak if you use a British or Scottish accent made for a hilarious happy adventure.


A very sweet treasure of my past 11 years as a mamma has been caring for Derek, Andrew and Seth.  I am fast moving into day care retirement as all three boys will be in full time school this fall.


I have had the boys just a handful of days this summer.



Wednesday evening our sweet friends the Rigelsky’s landed in LaCrosse with their two newest little ones, we were a part of the welcoming mob at the airport.  What an amazing miracle it is to watch a family be knit together through adoption.  We are so thankful for HIS amazing plan for little Worthy and Gospel in bringing them to their family and home in LaCrosse.








Thursday we remembered and said good-bye to the daddy of a sweet young friend.  We rejoice in knowing Doug is healthy and happy in Heaven.  We ache with his family as they learn to move through each day without their dad and Grandpa. Please pray for them.

dayare-Nama-Friend-kids-camp.jpg//namafish.comPappa and Finley did some biking in the kitchen and living room, a fantastically fun time was had by all.


We finished our day care week with a trip to Planes II.  I’m not sure why the popcorn and pop are on the heads and i am not sure why this picture is so blurry.  I am now trying “life hack”, put packaging tape over your iphone lense (google it) and we will see how that works out.  i had a headache most of the week because i do not do a great job of managing busy, tired and emotional.

I don’t always know how to do the details but i always know who holds all the details in HIS hand.  i love the chance to start over each morning and learn a little more about doing each moment in HIS direction, by HIS strength for HIS glory, Blessed !





Blessed~In the Failing

July 25, 2014 by Nama

15 Though he slay me, I will hope in him;
    yet I will argue my ways to his face.  Job 13:15

Many days i see more of the falling short than the succeeding.  My eyes are too often fixed on how this world measures.  Our everyday holds some challenges and puzzles that solutions are not easily found to.  If a possible solution is found the process of “getting there” may be daunting.  i am often weary, on the brink of  losing hope and feel all too deeply my our inadequacy and failing.

Continue reading