It is one thing to say it, quite another to have to live it

My Blessing and i

My Blessing and i

i do not know all much, but i do know the one who knows all and i do know HE loves and cares enough to meet us right where we are and be all that we need in that moment.

i guess it wouldn’t  be fair if i wrote words like those and then didn’t have to live it.

i posted those words Thursday morning, Thursday afternoon i made a quick stop at the local dance studio and was complimented on our parenting skills ad nauseam, approximately 2.34 hours later my parenting confidence was shattered and i have fluctuated between anger, broken hearted and weeping mess for the past 4 days.

Years ago i was doing a bible study that posed the question…

List an attribute of your Lord and Saviour you treasure.

My answer…”His Faithfulness to give us the hard, he is not a Father who coddles and spoils, he asks us to give up our comfort and understanding that he may give us his best, i love that about My Lord.”

Mostly i have hated these past 4 days. i have found it hard to love anything about what the Lord is doing in my heart.  It stinks to hurt and it hurts to see our need and our child’s need.

If i am becoming confident of anything in my parenting journey it is this…

i have about 500 wedding pictures for once i learn how to do this

i have about 500 wedding pictures for you once i learn how to do this

Our 5 children were given to Tim and i for the refining of Tim and i. Each of them could have been wonderfully cared for in a million other homes, but he choose ours. Our Blessing would have been spared much pain if her Saviour had swept her into HIS arms and took her to Heaven from that orphanage crib, but he knew what Tim and i needed and He loved us too much to give us easy. He Blessed us with a Blessing that we could never have imagined when he gave us this sweet one. He is faithfully moment by moment reminding us of our need, our brokenness and our inability. i am painfully aware that i can not fix my child’s pain and brokenness. I can not figure it all out, i would default to “take the next step” except i don’t have any idea where to place my foot.

Which all leaves me very afraid and needing.

I wake at 4 am feeling deep vulnerability, i lay my hand on our precious child’s back and can only say “We need you Jesus, we need you!”

And that is where HE meets me, that is when my heart is willing to hear His whispered promises.

And they sang a new song, saying,

“Worthy are you,

for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God

   from every tribe and language and people and nation,

10 and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,

   and they shall reign on the earth.” Revelations 5:9-10

My Faithful Lord has bought our redemption with His precious son’s blood. He alone can figure this out, He has it all covered, He is worthy of my trust.

The Fatherless find their rest at the sound of your great name, the sick are healed at the sound of your great name. Please take a moment and click over to YouTube and soak in this hope that is ours. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zpLPh6LibE

Here is a link to a great reading detailing the hope and power in the truth of this song.http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/a-worship-song-worthy-of-eternity

Our suffering is no surprise to our Loving Father…

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ . . . not frightened in anything by your opponents. For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake. Philippians 1:27–29

Paul told the Philippians that living worthy of the gospel of Christ meant fearlessness before enemies. Then he gave the logic of fearlessness.

The logic is this: God has given you two gifts, not just one — faith and suffering.

This challenge is a gift from our Loving Father, so is the Faith to live the challenge. You can read more here…God-Given Foes and Faith – devotional by John Piper   http://dsr.gd/12t0zVk

My heart still feels the physical ache of knowing how broken we are here in the Fish Pond. i still cry, a lot! But more importantly my heart Knows the ONE who knows it all. I know HIS son suffered that our girl might have healing and redemption. He is worthy of my trust, He is worthy of my obedience in taking the next step as i trust HE will direct where my foot lands. I will click these links, i will listen, i will read over and over, as many times as it take to renew this trembling heart and wondering mind of mine. i will model for my sweet Blessing today that He alone is worthy of our devotion and praise. I will rest in the only answer we need over here in our little pond.

His Great Name

Jesus

Favorite Things

December 1, 2014 by Nama

My heart is full to exploding, i tend to pull inside and savor when all is well and busy and full, i am more apt to ramble when my heart and mind is busy sorting and figuring.  Time will pass and the details of this miracle season in our home will be forgotten. Baby Coffee needs to know how amazing this season has been, our entire family needs to remember the God of this season. We need to share how blessed Nama and Pappa are to be on the outside looking in on His miraculous work of redemption.

On this Monday, here are some of my favorite things from the past weeks: Continue reading

We Have This Moment…that’s It

July 28, 2014 by Nama

This morning my heart aches for a friend who said goodbye to her husband over the weekend. A few years ago in this steamy summer season Tim and i stood at the family photo table in the foyer of a little rural church hurting with another friend who had just said goodbye to the wife of his youth.  As we looked at each image chronicling the years and love they had shared we tried to come to terms with how quickly one face can be ripped from those images.  As we stood side by side we each knew… “Something has to change!”  We knew in a way we would not escape that we had to find the path to treasuring one another and cherishing each moment we were gifted. If it was really true that as quickly as we had said the words “I do” it could all be snatched from our hands and hearts we could not waste another moment of this precious together life. Continue reading

Blessed~In the Failing

July 25, 2014 by Nama

15 Though he slay me, I will hope in him;
    yet I will argue my ways to his face.  Job 13:15

Many days i see more of the falling short than the succeeding.  My eyes are too often fixed on how this world measures.  Our everyday holds some challenges and puzzles that solutions are not easily found to.  If a possible solution is found the process of “getting there” may be daunting.  i am often weary, on the brink of  losing hope and feel all too deeply my our inadequacy and failing.

Continue reading

This Profound Honor Is Each of Ours

 July 23, 2014 by Nama
Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and without fault [undefiled] is this: caring for orphans and widows ,who need help [in their trouble/distress/persecution], and keeping yourself  free from the world’s evil influence.
James 1:27

We have had the immeasurable JOY of walking alongside a young family who are right smack dab in the middle of a miracle.  A miracle that requires sacrifice, that requires death to self  and letting go of safety.  A miracle that keeps them clinging to their Jesus in a powerful way.  A miracle of redemption and healing and rebuilding, of Love and commitment and our Lord’s beautiful unfolding plan of blessing.
Adoption

Continue reading

Commitment~Part 2 of Our Adoption Story

July 17, 2014 by Pappa with thoughts from Nama

adoption-blessing-faith-africa-liberia.jpg//namafish.com

Today we celebrate the gift of those gorgeous chocolate eyes.  9 years ago today we received our referral for N.Doumoundo B. Lamien.  We will share the very first images that arrived in our inbox of our 5th child and the miracle of Love that filled our hearts and home that day. Continue reading